Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
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he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
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Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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