i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have aggressive nipples.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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