How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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