i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
