SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
