omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Fuck appropriateness.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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