it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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