i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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