Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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