Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
pray to the hookup gods
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
