i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
