I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
