so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
