remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
