Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
