I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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