8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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