Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Randomize
