so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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