There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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