Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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