I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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