So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Randomize
