Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
