Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
