Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
