I am puke
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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