I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
