We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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