She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
