He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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