I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
