dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
