I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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