my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
