Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so that wasnt chicken after all
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
