There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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