walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
