Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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