Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
