I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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