guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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