I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
two words...techno handjob
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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