Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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