you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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