watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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