What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
