i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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