Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Drunk is not a location!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
