May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
