U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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