Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
