the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
