if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
