I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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