I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
