Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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