idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
