I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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