Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
