Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
