Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
